Alan’s Insider
I have just learned that the ACNA’s Bp. Alan Hawkins told the rest of the ACNA Provincial Response Team last year that I was his ACNAtoo “insider” and “informant”. I am devastated, but this is not about my pain. It is about how survivors were harmed.
In August 2021, weary survivors asked ACNAtoo for a liaison to communicate on their behalf with the Provincial Office. I was chosen, I introduced myself to Bp. Alan Hawkins by email, and Alan called me the next day. He shared that his motivation to “right the ship” was the same as mine: he wanted the Church to be healthy and survivors cared for. He recognized my commitment to truth and promised that no leader would be protected from thorough investigation.
“We’re building the plane as we’re flying it,” Alan confided, but, he said, they were consulting top experts Diane Langberg and Wade Mullen to ensure that the process followed best practices and was safe for survivors. In turn, I promised Alan that I would uphold truth above all else. If I found survivors to be lying, I would leave loudly. (Spoiler alert: that never happened. I found their evidence to be overwhelmingly compelling.)
I stepped out to stand with victims because Jesus’ story of the Good Samaritan is a call to act. I viewed Bp. Alan as the innkeeper from that parable. My role was to bring the victims to him, trusting that he would properly address their care. Alan led me to believe that he was being guided by experts whom I deeply respect, so if he requested information, I gave it. Things were progressing well, he updated me. “Please get ACNAtoo to hold their fire,” he asked. I did.
I reassured survivors that their identities and stories were safe and that they were heard. I relayed to them that Alan and the PRT were committed to finding a third-party investigative firm that would not leave any piece of evidence unexamined.
Meanwhile, Alan boasted to the PRT that he had an insider in ACNAtoo. He took advantage of my trust and respect to further harm survivors in my care. We would find out later that their identities and information were not at all safe with him; he revealed sensitive info to many. The ACNA's refusal to share their contract with Husch Blackwell or to waive attorney-client privilege confirmed to survivors that the investigation was very likely not committed to finding truth. I watched them, one by one, decline to participate.
As I read the recently released Husch Blackwell report, Alan's earlier words in a text to my friend haunted me. “It will take some time to work the system,” he wrote her.
This was never about truth and justice. It was about power and control.
But God has not left me – nor the broken and wounded – alone. I will continue to cry out to God day and night, “Grant me justice against my adversary.” (Luke 18:3) God sees our tears and hears our cries. This is not the end of the story.
Audrey Luhmann is an ACNAtoo advocate and mom of eight. She and her family live in West Chicago, IL.